role models

an ex-intern stopped by today. he actually stops by about twice a week, just to hang out or whatever. we enjoy his company (a lot more now, especially since he's just there for the hell of it, and we don't have to put up with his 23979383498 questions if we don't feel like it).


youth: "i got a suit today. it was free, from this program at the place i'm staying."

me: "FREE?"

youth: "yeah, and they have these counselors that help you find a job and stuff. . ."

me: "damn, i never got a free suit . . . you should sell it. and buy. . . . stuff."

youth: "what?! why? it might be useful for finding a JOB, you know?"

me: "oh yeah, thats good. get a good job, then sell it."

youth: "boy, you really are a good role model for at-risk youth."

me: "well, you're no longer an intern, so we aren't required to be good role models for you anymore. just regular role models."

youth: "you don't have to worry about that, i've got plenty of 'regular role models' in my life. . . "


that made me laugh.

supermarket street sweep 2008

we did this charity alleycat race yesterday, to collect food for the SF food bank. 5 checkpoints(grocery stores) throughout the city, with a manifest listing what specific items to pick up from each store. it was SO fun.

clare and i decided to do the entire course backwards, which ended up tacking on 8 extra miles to the loop. oops. the cool thing was, as always, we got to explore parts of SF we'd never been before. we rode a total of 29 miles, lots of climbing. the farther we rode along, the heavier our bags got. it was fun. i typically only ride about 2 miles with a full bag of groceries. . .

i did it on my track bike, she took the fuso. it was fast and fun. when the afterparty wrapped up, we grabbed dinner in the tenderloin, then i slept for 11 hours straight. seriously.

wheels, rims, and tires. . . not the same thing

rim= the rear hoop of a wheel, the outer aluminum ring.
wheel= the collective build of a rim, hub, and spokes.
tire= the rubber part that mounts on the outside of the wheel.


guy: "hi, i wanted to see what the price of a rear rim would be."

me: "just the rim, or the whole wheel?"

guy: "uh, i guess the whole thing."

me: "ok, what kind of bike do you have?"

guy: "uhhhh. . . ."

me: "is it a road bike, mountain bike, hybrid?"

guy: "well, its wider than your average tire. like if you cut it in half, see, it would be like 2 feet.""

me: "uhhh. . . .tires are measured by width, in millimeters. not by diameter. if its a road bike, there are 2 diameters of wheels, one is called 700c, and the other is 27 inches. you can tell by reading whats on the side of the tire. the price differs between them, as well as you choices of options."

(somewhere in there, the dude hung up. he probably resorted to yelp to write a bad review. fuck.)

white zaffiro tires

a guy called today with a typical fixed-gear-parts-related-question, followed by a question so absurd that i thought he was just fucking with me.

guy: "hi. do you guys carry the white zaffiro tires?"

me: "yes. they are. . . let me see. . . $30. we also have the gran compe white tires for $60 each."

guy: "ok. um. . . do you have any experience with these tires? i mean, do they get dirty easily?"

me: (at a loss for words)"well, um. . . .they are white. they get dirty pretty much as soon as you leave your house. you could clean them, i suppose, but that would be sort of a losing proposition. unless you just like your tires to be clean. . ."

guy: "ok, thanks. bye!"

wtf, i DID vote NO on prop 8?!

hi A,

some resident keeps posting stickers on the front door that say "vote NO on prop 8."

1. not that it has any relevance whatsoever, but i did vote NO on prop 8.
2. unfortunately, prop 8 passed on election day.
3. election day was 3 days ago.
4. i've scraped off 3 stickers already, and another one is now posted.
5. i don't know if some resident has a personal vendetta against an unknown person in the building they believe to be a proponent of prop 8, but thats just not the case. i'm removing the stickers because they are vandalism, and its my job.
6. can you please print some letter advising them not to do so, i'd rather not make a sign and get personally involved in this pointless banter.

thank you!
ken

aerospokes

SF is a mecca for track bikes. it is the heart of many trends that have swept the nation and/or world, for better or worse. "fixie kids" (i loathe this word, along with any other forms or plays on the word "fixie," but i'll save that for its own separate entry some day) in other US cities and even other countries look to our fine city by the bay for inspiration. SF was the first to release a track bike specific video, setting forth an explosion of "crews" and various other videos documenting riders and their locales. its great.

one of said often-mocked trends is the re-introduction of the aerospoke wheel. its a five-spoked, carbon composite wheel made for aerodynamics. messengers used to buy cheap old carbon wheels from roadies because they were cheap and cool looking. cheap because they were yester-year's technology. they look cool while rolling, and are easy to put a beefy NY chain lock through them when locking up. anyways, aerospokes are HEAVY. like 5 lbs per wheel heavy. any aerodynamic advantage gained is null and void compared to the extra weight you are bolting to your bike. but they do look cool rolling.

my shop has recently started carrying these candy-colored products. the weird thing is, most of the customers coming out of the woodworks to buy them are either out-of-towners (this is a dying trend in SF, it boomed in 2005), or weird roadies from god-knows-where. one roadie removed his ksyrium SL (suuuuperlite wheel) to bolt on a black composite colored aerospoke. why? "aerodynamics," he said proudly after scoffing at all the hipster track bike riders in the city who are rocking THE EXACT SAME PRODUCT HE JUST BOUGHT.

here is a snippet of a conversation i had with a hyper, excited intern the other day.

intern: "wow, cool! so what are those aerospokes are made of again?"

ken: "carbon composite."

intern: "so thats a carbon weave, right?"

ken: "well, sort of. its carbon, but not woven. its mixed with glue and made in a mold, like plastic. basically, its like plastic."

intern: "so its super light, huh?"

ken: "no."

intern: "its not? why not? i thought it was supposed to be light??"

ken: "here." (i grabbed an aerospoke and a 27" cheapo spoked wheel and hand them to him.)

intern: "WHOA, this is really heavy! (he hands them to another intern) so why do people want them, because they are aerodynamic?"

ken: "people want them because they look cool. if they tell you its because they are aerodynamic, its because they don't want to admit that they look cool. they are aerodynamic under certain conditions, but not just riding around the city."

intern: "so these don't have to be trued, right?"

ken: "its not that they don't have to be trued, its that they can't be trued. (i grab the aerospoke and lead both interns to the truing stand, put the wheel in, and spin it. the wheel is rubbing both arms of the truing stand, totally out of whack) does that look true to you?"

intern: "oh my gosh?!"

ken: "exactly."

mission path alleycross race

sunday 10/25/08.
organized by dirtydave and friends, with tons of sponsors.

40+ riders, 7 were girls. most checkpoints had a dirt off-road type of path, and we jammed all over the mission, dogpatch, financial district, and potrero hill. clare got 20th (3rd girl), and i got 21st. it was SO FUCKING FUN!

here are some pics i lifted from other peoples flickrs(thank you if they are yours!), will update as more pop up.

i have become the comic book guy of bikes

well, sort of. basically. well, not really. those who know bikes will understand.

i've been reprimanded for lack of sensitivity in my workplace. this it the 3rd time in recent history that a customer called the non-profit that owns my shop to complain (i think both others are documented in my prior blogs). while the non-profit is great and very supportive of us, they aren't bike people. so everything has to be explained to them by my poor boss. sometimes they understand, but some things just don't make sense to them. it can be hard for us, since its almost like a language barrier.

here's an abbreviated version of what happened. sensitive guy comes in with a folding bike:

s.g.: "can you fix?"

ken: "no."

s.g.: "no?!"

ken: "yes, NO."

s.g.: "what do you mean NO?!"

ken: "bike shop = no work on dept. store bike. your fold bike = d.s.b. low quality part, no adjustment, no replacement parts, etc etc" (this is an age old argument)

s.g.: "OK OK i get it! BUT YOU WERE RUDE TO ME! YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE CRAP! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN NICER! I DON'T WANT TO SUPPORT YOUR SHOP! YOU ARE LAME! WHAT YOU DID WAS LAAAMMMMEEEEE! YOU ARE JUST SO. . . . . . L A M E ! ! "

this rant went on for like 1 min nonstop. i tried to interject a sincere apology for my tone coming off as rude or whatever, but he didn't even take a breath to let me get 1 single word in.

i stopped talking. i realized that it was pointless to apologize because:
a) he wasn't listening;
b) he didn't care what i had to say; and
c) it was obvious he had very serious issues related to rejection rooted much much deeper than getting turned down by a fucking bike shop.

instead, i waved goodbye, told him to have a nice day, and pointed at my ears with a nod to show that i was listening.


if i get any more reprimands, i may be suspended without pay.

"i did macaframa the other day"

a dude told me that on the phone today. . .

dude: "do you have chainrings smaller than 46 teeth?"

me: "yes, why do you need it? what kind of bike or cranks do you have?"

dude: "i want to get a smaller chainring to have a lower gear. i have an IRO frame, and sugino messenger cranks."

me: "oh ok, its a track bike. its probably cheaper to buy a new cog to change your gear ratio than to buy a new chainring. you have a 130 bcd rather than a 144 true track bcd. 130 bcd chainrings in 1/8" can be pretty pricey. what is your gearing now?"

dude: "i've got 46x17. i was thinkin i could get a 44t chainring to make it easier to go downhill. or maybe a bigger cog. i did macaframa the other day, and i was spinning out on the hills."

me: (it took me a second to figure out that he meant he raced in the macaframa premiere alleycat. macaframa is not a verb.) "wait, you mean you were spinning too fast downhill?"

dude: "yeah, i want to not have to pedal so fast to be able to control my speed better downhill."

me: "oh ok i see. so what you really mean is that you want a higher gear ratio, so that you won't be spinning so fast downhill. therefore, you will need a larger chainring, or a smaller cog. the best way to control your speed downhill is to skip or skid. . . and if you run too big of a gear ratio, you won't be able to climb those hills anyway. . . ."

then i explained how gear ratios work (ie, bigger front ring = same effect as smaller rear cog), how to control speed while descending, what gearing is appropriate for SF for most people (i think he was from the burbs), etc.

this entire conversation must have lasted 15 minutes. he did macaframa.

bug detectives

are on the lookout.

this is funny

couldn't have said it better myself

"I hate the fact that people use the bicycle as a political tool. These days, I just want to ride my bike, and I like to think I write for people who want to do the same.

I am not out to save the planet, or ban automobiles. In my real life, I have cut back to one small car, but I did that for economic reasons, not political. A person can survive without a car if they wish, but that is not my wish. I enjoy the convenience of owning my own car.

Why is it, the extreme left wing, eco-nuts think they own the exclusive right to the bicycle? And why is it, if you ride a bicycle everyone thinks you are an extreme left wing, eco-nut?"

-dave moulton
(from his final blog entry-blog is finished, he's not dead or anything)

transvestites and bikes

i live in SF. there are TONS of transgender/transvestite/transexuals around. tons. fine by me, i have no problem with that. a small(ish) percentage of said trannys ride bikes, so naturally they come to shops like ours, who will treat them like any other customer.

from my experience, i find it interesting which choices will be made when it comes to selecting gender-specific components, like saddles. saddles are made to fit different anatomical parts, like sit-bones. one time i offered a tranny the choice between the mens and women's version of the same saddle- he/she chose the female version. he/she had a man's body, hips, butt, everything. i thought it was funny.

today, a tranny came in to shop for a new bike. he/she was looking for something preferably in pink and black. we didn't have anything like that, so i showed him/her what we did have. he/she wanted a step-through frame because he/she often wears skirts. unfortunately, that style of frame has been phased out because it is heavier, weaker, and bikes are more unisex nowadays.

he/she asked about the bikes with women-specific geometry, and i answered all questions diligently and concisely, and he/she was on his/her way.

here's the thing:
1. cheaper "women specific" bikes are usually identical to their mens models, but with a stupid paint job and maybe a white saddle and bar tape. its all marketing.

2. higher end bikes with "women specific geometry" will have a shorter toptube than a mens version of the same bike. why? because women generally have longer legs than a man of the same height, but not a longer torso. this is a generalization, so it does not apply to all women. therefore, not all women need women specific frames. you can make a unisex bike fit with adjustments to, or swapping stems and/or seatposts.

in this case, the tranny was 6'2", and looked like a dude with a wig on. he/she did not need women specific anything. why bother making the search for a bike more complicated??

i guess its just part of identifying with the gender, which i will never understand. . .

road bikes = track bikes?

guy: "hi, i wanna buy a road bike."
me: "ok, let me show you what we've got." (show him some road bikes)"
guy: "what about these?" (points to track bikes)
me: "those are track bikes. . . fixed gears, and some are single speeds. i thought you said you wanted a road bike?"
guy: "why, is there a difference?" (spoken condescendingly)
me: "track bikes have 1 gear, whereas road bikes have up to 30. . ."

he test rode both, decided to buy a road bike (but only if we could install red tires and red bar tape ASAP so he could ride it home TODAY). then he tried to pay with a fake, non-activated credit card, and said he was "going to go to the bank." he never returned. what a douche.

toe overlap

track bikes have toe overlap. they are designed for racing on a velodrome. its not a big deal, you get used to it. any proper frame with true track geometry will have at least a little bit of overlap between your pedal and front tire.

some dude came into the shop yesterday with a $1000 bankroll and a credit card, ready to purchase a custom track bike. after making very crucial decisions as to the specs of his build (ie, what color deep V's, tires, cranks, and grips to match), we built it up and he rolled off into SF's busy streets. brakeless. he refused. the frame was undrilled, but he opted not to have a keirin brake installed.

he returned 10 min later. he was pissed because he almost ate shit on the mission district's mean streets. the culprit? TOE OVERLAP. what is defective about this bicycle? why does my toeclip touch on the tire?! i was apalled.

darwinism.

phone etiquette

i hung up on some douchebag on the phone the other day. he ended up complaining to the non-profit org that owns my bike shop. i didn't get reprimanded per se, but it was definitely a hot topic. i've been instructed to transfer all douchebags immediately over to my more mild-mannered boss. ha.

douche: "yeah. hi. i need to make an appointment to bring my bike in for a tune up."

ken: "well, we need to have a look at your bike to figure out how much work it needs so we can give you an estimate, and how long it will take."

douche: (already pissed) "I WAS JUST IN THERE THE OTHER DAY AND THEY SAID THEY COULDN'T DO A TUNE UP WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT! I'M NOT GOING TO DRIVE 40 MIN JUST TO GET AN APPOINTMENT FOR ANOTHER DATE!!!!"

this is where i started explaining how it works, he interrupted me, yelling, and i hung up.

(he called back, naturally)

douche: "YEAH, ITS ME AGAIN."

ken: "how may i be of assistance to you today, sir? (sarcasm, its hard to convey via internet)

douche: "I SPENT $800 DOLLARS THERE AND THIS IS HOW I'M TREATED?!"

ken: "i tried to explain something to you, but you weren't listening to me. you were yelling instead. when i realized that the conversation was going nowhere since you weren't listening, i hung up."

douche: "ok fine i'm listening now. . ."

ken: "weekends are our busiest days. if you bring in your bike on a weekend, which you probably did the first time, we can't tune up your bike on the spot. we also can't make appointments over the phone without looking at your bike, nor can we reserve a slot without a deposit. you need to bring it in and allow time for us to make an estimate, then book you a date for a tune up. the fact that you live 40 min away and have to drive here does not give you any special privileges. there's nothing we can do to help you there. thats your choice for going to a bike shop thats 40 min away."

douche: "ARE YOU FINISHED?"

ken: "yes."

douche: "its 40 min round trip- i live in the marina (not surprising- its doucheville over there)! I USED TO KNOW THE PERSON THAT RAN THE OLD NON PROFIT THAT OWNED THE PLACE! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! UHHH. . . FUCK YOU, LATER!"

ken: "bye!"



yes, he said, "fuck you later." ha.

basket bikes

well, i'm back in the saddle. . . sort of. i can only ride my coaster brake bike, thanks to newly added more upright bars. it will be a month till the cast comes off. my collarbone is healing nicely after surgery. i got the stitches out yesterday. still need physical therapy to regain motion.

today we rode to japantown for sushi and shopping. here is another shot of the basket bike:

questionaire

(i posted this on SFfixed, then decided i should chronicle it here.)

i have surgery tomorrow for my broken collarbone and hand. pretty gnarly- i get ti plates and compression screw, for the weight weenie in me. yesterday, i had a nurse call me to ask questions about my medical history and prep me.

nurse: "do you exercise regularly?"
ken: "i ride a bike every day."
nurse: "how many minutes do you ride?"
ken: "hmmm, lets see, 45. . . no probably at least 1 hour a day. sometimes way more."
nurse: "how many days a week?"
ken: "uhhhh, 7. (?)"
nurse: "you ride 7 days a week?!"
ken: "yeah. walking takes too long!"

surgery

soooo, my bone breakage is so bad i gotta get surgery. in the ER, the doctors and i were hopeful it wouldn't be necessary. but after seeing the shoulder and hand sports medicine specialists, i wouldn't have it any other way.

if you break your collarbone, most of the time it heals itself. pretty fast, too. and you regain almost full range of motion. but only if the bone displacement (overlap) is 2cm or less. mine is 3cm. this will make my left shoulder way weaker and my reach way shorter. if you put a plate in there, it will correct it and avoid this.

the scaphoid bone (i've learned) is a pesky hand bone that has a weird blood supply that prevents it from healing properly sometimes. it can take up to 3 months to heal, but sometimes it never heals. what does that mean? chronic wrist/hand pain. for life. if you put a titanium screw in there, it will hold it back together to help it heal properly. on top of all that, there is a slight twist where the fracture is on my hand. the screw will compress it back in place.

the doctors were like, "you are a young, active dude. get the surgery."

my appointment is wednesday morning.

"when i ride, it look like the sun"

scraper bike slideshow

i broke my collarbone

it sucks. and a bone in my left hand. descending a super steep curvy road in marin headlands (conzelman rd- YES that one) on road bike. lucky it wasnt worse. helmet saved my head. fishtailed rear, straightened out and allllmost recovered, but had gotten too much speed, slid some more trying to speedcheck, clipped guardrail, went over bars. luckily not over guardrail! rocky cliffs below.

was with friends, clare came to rescue, picked up me and banged up guerciotti. mostly the slr saddle got annihilated, maybe a shifter too. went to UCSF hospital.

may need surgery, prob not- but dont know for sure yet. have the next few days off and more if necessary. gotta wait and see. hard to type 1 handed!

k

bike mechanic's bikes

weekends are a bike shop's busiest days. seems like weekdays are all about parts, track bikes, custom wheelbuilds, etc. weekends are all about complete off-the-shelf bikes. the weekday clientele consists of mostly students, work-from-home types, young people, and other non-9-to-5 jobbers. weekends are all about "i want to buy a bike, here-and-now" types. its typical. we make most of the weeks profit margin in those 2 days alone.

anyways, i sold some weird creepy foreign dude a bike today. he seemed like a typical knowitallthatreallyisquitemisinformed type. you know, they people that incorrectly answer their own questions with misinformation they heard about. but he ended up being quite a friendly fellow and bought a road bike and some other stuff. this conversation made me laugh:

guy: "do you have a bike?"

ken: "of course! i don't know if you could work in a bike shop and not ride bikes. . . well, i guess you could, but that would be weird. i have 4 bikes."

guy: "you must have the nicest bike in the whole city!"

ken: "haha. well unfortunately, we don't make enough money to have the nicest bikes in the city. but we do have ok ones and we love to ride them."

steve: "computer guys, CEO's, anyone that lives north of the bridge: now they have the nicest bikes."

ken: "yeah they do. they don't ride them as much, but they do own the nicest ones."

steve: "they look real nice hanging on their walls."

open house

the housing market in SF is a nightmare. finding a place is sooo tough. its super competitive, and a lot of times its just luck. even when you do, its way overpriced. but its a great place to live. its the most amazing city i've lived in thus far. i love it.

anyways, its impossible as an apartment manager to show apartments to every fucking retard that contacts you about them. i'd get like 15 emails a day from people who want to see the units. to solve this, i just have open houses, where like 40 people show up and get herded into a tiny studio like sheep. its the only efficient way to do it. this isn't my full-time job, so thats the way its gotta be. i'm a person, i have a life too.

anyways, i'm the kind of person that likes to give a shitload of info up front to preempt any stupid questions. i hate answering the same stupid questions to every idiot that emails me. here is the latest snippet from my recent craigslist ad:



Sorry, but due to the large number of emails I have received, I do not have enough time to make individual appointments with every single person to view them. To be fair, I will show them as a group to whomever shows up.

1. No, I will not show you the unit before the open house.
2. No, I will not show the unit at a later time after the open house.
3. No, you may not obtain an application prior to the open house.
4. If you can't make it to the open house, no need to email me to explain why you will not be in attendance.
5. If you will be attending, just show up. No need to email me to RSVP or extend any cordialities. I just don't care. I'm not the person who will be reviewing your application anyway.
6. Again, NO i will not make a personal appointment for you to see it. There is just not enough time to do this for EVERYONE.
7. If the studio is still available next week, I will repost this ad with the date of the next open house. Stay tuned.
8. Lets be honest, if you don't have at least decent credit, the management company probably won't approve you, so don't waste your time (or mine).

pink bike parts

two younger dudes came into the shop today, browsing for track bike parts. one of them decided to buy a bunch of pink crap. . .

guy: "i'll take those pink nitto bars, pink toptube pad, and those pink soma toeclips, please."

me: "ok, i'll get them for you." (begin gathering parts, taking them out of showcases)

guy: "i love you, man."

me: "i love you too. i don't know you that well, but i feel something special. i think we could make it work."

guy: "me too."

me: "i mean, we have sooo much in common! you like bikes, i like bikes. . . . its great!"


this conversation made my day.

handlebars, gas prices, etc.

some douchebag came into the shop today. . . he had called in earlier asking about a particular pair of nitto handlebars we carry (stupid looking ones that are for hybrid bikes- we ordered them on accident and had 2 pairs left). my coworker told him that we had a pair, so he decided to drive to the shop to pick them up. no big deal. but of course, when he got there, we were in the process of selling what looked like they were the last pair of those bars. here is a glimpse of what ensued:

ken: "well, i guess that was the last pair. let me see if theres more in the back."

douchebag: "WHAT?! BUT I CALLED AND SPOKE TO YOU OR SOMEONE ABOUT THOSE HANDLEBARS?! I WAS TOLD YOU WOULD HOLD THEM FOR ME!"

ken: "i didn't speak to you on the phone. we don't hold anything for anyone. people call in an say 'yeah, i'm gonna pick em up right now' all the time. we don't have those, but we have these similar bars."

db: "I DON'T WANT THESE, I WANT THOSE!" (slams handlebars and a pair of toeclips on the glass counter) "YOU GUYS NEED TO BETTER REPRESENT WHAT YOU HAVE OVER THE PHONE! DO YOU THINK GAS IS FREE? I WOULDN'T HAVE DROVE OVER HERE IF I KNEW YOU DIDN'T HAVE THEM!"

(by this time, i'd walked away and put away the bike parts, thinking he will just leave pissed. my coworker had already found the last pair of identical handlebars in a showcase, and taken the parts off of it to sell him)


ken: "sorry we can't predict the future. we had no way of knowing that someone would buy those handlebars today before you showed up. and we had no way of knowing that you would get in your car and drive from wherever the fuck you just came from to pick them up."

db: "oh please, i don't need you to school me about that. . . ."

ken: "we don't have a fucking employee meeting every time somebody calls and says they want a part and agree that it will be set aside for that person. gimme a break."

db: "if you have any interest in hearing me out, you need to shut your mouth and just listen for a minute. . . "

ken: "i have no interest in anything you are going to say. i'm going to work on this bike now."


i was pretty pissed. by now, a coworker stepped in, he bought some stuff. . . but not the fucking handlebars he came for?! what a fucking douchebag. then he jumped into his orange range rover and peeled out. god.

my first sffixed ride

last night, tues night lake merced loop. sprinting and hydrating. good fun.

customer service

"its not that the customer is always wrong. . . its just that they are never right."

-k

everyday normal guy

this video cracked me up.

idiots

(non bike nerds beware)

some kid comes in today (yes, i can call them "kids," as i am quickly approaching 30) with a mega-downtube spicer track frame, minus front wheel, and with a rim in hand.

kid: "hi, can you cut my steerer tube and install this bottom bracket?"

me: "ok, but what kinda bb is that in there?"

kid: "its a shimano un. . something or other."

me: "the problem is, your sugino 75 cranks are ISO(italian) taper, and you are using the wrong bottom bracket, which is JIS (japanese). what kinda bb do you want to put in there, because if its ISO, your square taper might be messed up and it won't sit properly (total bike nerd talk, but thats my job). its best if you just stick with a JIS bottom bracket, since its already deformed."

kid: "ok cool, because i have this dura ace bottom bracket." (hands it to me)

me: "this is a 103. you need a 107. this won't fit anyway."

kid: "but its DURA ACE?! i didn't know it was only a 103."

me: "it says it right here on the side (showing him). sorry dude, its the wrong size AND the wrong taper."


then, later in the same conversation:


kid: "ok, well can i just get some spokes and nipples to build this front wheel?"

me: "ok, let me see the hub and rim." (i look at them, utterly puzzled) "this hub has 24 holes, and your rim has 36 holes?"

kid: "i'm going to do a crow's foot pattern, and skip every 3rd hole. i've done lots of research."

(fyi: THIS IS A FUCKING HARD IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE FEAT FOR EVEN THE MOST EXPERIENCED WHEELBUILDER. i don't think its even possible, and if it is, it would require a lot of trial and error to get the spoke lengths calculated properly to the nearest millimeter increments. . . )

coworker: "dude, have you ever built a wheel before?"

kid: "no, but i've thought about it quite extensively for some time now."

me: "look. this is whats gonna happen. even if we could somehow figure out some wacky spoke length for this build, you're gonna try and it won't work out because there are multiple ways to build a crows foot pattern and its really hard, especially for your first wheelbuild. then you're gonna come back to us pissed, and blame us for giving you the wrong length spokes, and we're not gonna take them back. in theory, if you had US build a wheel, we would just recut spokes till we got it right."

kid: "well what do you charge for a wheelbuild?"

me: "fifty bucks. but i don't think we're gonna take on this ridiculous project for you at any cost."

"asianly"

this is a new word that clare coined yesterday.

C: "was he raised asianly?"
K: "what?! i dunno. . . was I raised asianly?"

crystal springs reservoir

we went on a fun ass road ride today. waaaay south into san mateo county, then took a train part of the way back. total distance = over 30 miles.

bike rap

kinda cheesy, but cute. i watched the whole thing.

"i found true freedom, i was riding my bike"

pista concepts

max's comment inspired me to write a haiku about my brief ownership of a celeste pista concept:

mash made concepts hot!
aluminum not my thing.
steel only for me.

bikes i've owned

pepperspray update

so the dude who tried to pepperspray me came into my shop today. it took me a sec to recognize him, but it was definitely him. my coworker helped him (unknowingly) and showed him the door before i was able to say or do anything. he was in there for like 1 min, then out the door. adrenaline pumped, i wanted to hit him with the handlebar that was in my hand. but i didn't. i don't want the fucker to know where i work!

anyways, i'm struggling to understand the logic. . .
1. throw bagel at cyclist while jaywalking
2. cyclist confronts you, belittles you for your empty threats and cowardess
3. pepper spray cyclist and run away onto the muni
4. decide to become a cyclist?

maybe i impressed him with my bravado?

anyways, next time i see him on the street, he's fucked.

so cute. there should be a site called kittiesyawning.com. . . .

mentoring

so part of my job is working with at-risk youth. they get jobs as interns at our shop, learn how to work on bikes, job skills, responsibility, etc.

here are some excerpts from today:

INTERN: "See, I knew something was wrong with this. Haha! See, we interns do know some stuff! He told me just do it this way but I WAS RIGHT!"
KEN: "Do not question anything we tell you. EVER. We are never wrong."
---------------------------------

KEN: "Have you ever removed a freewheel before?"
INTERN: "Nope. So how do you take off this freewheel? Do you do it like this?"
KEN: "No."
INTERN: "Do you use this tool, like this? Or how about using this??"
KEN: "Nope."
INTERN: "Aren't you supposed to do it like this? Someone told me that you do it by. . . . ."
KEN: "When someone is teaching you something, they should be doing the talking, and you should be listening. OK?"
---------------------------------

A little old lady came in to have us help her put air in her old mountain bike tires. . .

LITTLE OLD LADY: "I couldn't get them to fill up!" (following P.T. into the workshop area)
P.T.: "Sorry ma'am, you aren't allowed to come back into the mechanic shop. Its not safe."
L.O.L. : "Oops, OK."
P.T.: "One of these kids could whack you on the head with a tool. . . that wouldn't be good."
L.O.L. : "It probably wouldn't make any difference!"

i laughed.

scraper bikes is on the scene

SF loves heroin

clare and i puppy-sat for a friend this weekend. 2 yorkies. little bitch-doggies. since their bladders are the size of a thimble, we had to take them out every couple hours to pee/poop (though this didn't stop them from going on our floor. . . 3 times).

walking around the neighborhood is good. you see things you wouldn't notice if you were riding a bike. like today, we found TWO heroin syringes in the same day.

ken: "WHOA, check this one out! it still has the needle in it and everything!"
clare: "WTF, why do people out here like doing heroin so much?!"

some douche tried to spray me with pepper spray

yep, the title says it all. here's how it went down. . .

1. clare and i riding on market towards embarcadero on road bikes, to get sangwiches in north beach.

2. fat guy jaywalking near financial district, we go around him.

3. fat guy gets pissed, throws bagel at me, hitting my back.

4. i turn around, hop the curb, ride right up to him.

5. me: "wtf, asshole? you were jaywalking!"

6. him: "you call me asshole one more time and i'm going to beat the shit out of you!" (this guy is like 6' tall, thirtysomething, 250+, thinning hair, looks like the kind of dude that got fucked with a lot when he was younger, and really into video games. i think might be a security guard of some sort downtown)

7. me: "man, FUCK YOU asshole. don't throw shit at people! (he does nothing) whats up, if you're gonna talk shit, you better back it up?!"

8. him: (as he enters walgreens) "well. . . . maybe i'll spray you with pepper spray!" he does.

9. i duck, but it still gets on my helmet and jacket. luckily, i'm part ninja.

10. i step away, check the situation. i'm ok. a bystander who almost got sprayed recommends i call the police.

11. 911 call, give description of this douchebag.

12. he leaves walgreens, i follow. he asks why i'm following him, i reply, "its because you fucking assaulted me TWICE. the cops are on their way."

13. he ducks into a muni station. i don't follow him because i have to wait for the cops and they said not to follow this guy.

i don't know why i didn't just beat the hell out of the guy. he was bigger than me, but that makes no difference. i had a u-lock in my back pocket. the pepper spray still made my skin burn and irritated, but luckily it didn't get in my eyes. i could have pummeled him as he came out of walgreens. but i would've had to drop my guerciotti on the street for any passer-by to pick up. i guess i care more about my bike than i do about vigilante justice.

either way, i'm pissed. but i know i did take the high road. who knows what i'll do if i ever cross paths with that guy again. . . .this town isn't that big, its bound to happen.

i've lived in SF 8 months and this is already the 2nd physical altercation i've gotten into on my bike. the first guy wound up in the hospital i'm pretty sure. hopefully this is the last. . .

what are you going to buy with your $600 economic stimulus money??

i thought this was pretty funny. originally posted on sffixed.

tires

caller: "yeah, hi, um. . . how much are tires?"

ken: "what kind of tires?"

caller: "you know, the rubber part that goes on a bike?!"

ken: "yes, i know what tires are. i mean what type of bike do you have- there are different sizes and types of tires for different bikes. road, track, mountain. . . . ."

and on and on. . . .

it made me laugh, and then i knew i'd write a blog about it.

the RACE card

this anecdote ties in an an event that happened a while ago with the repercussions of that event, which i just happened to learn about today.

a couple months ago, a bald, middle-aged, overweight asian man came into my shop with a magna mountain bike. typical time-waster dude- 298332987 questions, no intention of actually buying anything. don't people use the internet anymore? fuck, the word "google" is now a verb because, thanks to the miracle of the internet, you can find the answers to any stupid question your heart desires! ok, i digress.

this dude tells me he wants to buy our toughest tires ($45 each) to put on his magna (read: crappy ass department store disposable bike- we don't work on these and no respectable bike shop should, really) because he plans on riding it across the philippines. c'mon. a fucking magna? i'm not trying to be bikesnobnyc here, but lets be realistic- why the hell would you spend $90 plus $12 for tubes and $14 labor to install tires on a bike worth well under $100 new? it doesn't make any sense. i told him not to waste his money and try to get a better bicycle that he can actually repair or find parts for when he breaks down in the jungle in the middle of nowhere.

if you know me, you know i'm a pretty nice guy. eeeeevvvvvery now an then you get a guy like this who leaves you no choice but to be a dick to him, just to get him to leave. we hate doing this, but really do have work to do.

when you try to convey common sense to someone totally as clueless and hard-headed as this guy. . . it never works. debate ensues- i decide to stop wasting my time, ask him to leave. this is the last i hear about him.

then today, i learned that he actually wrote a letter to the head of the non-profit org that runs our shop. of course, we had to address this by explaining WHY we don't work on department store bikes, the lack of available or replaceable parts, low quality of components on them, and how they are meant to be used and disposed of instead of repaired. . . . blah blah. its an age-old argument.

here is where it gets good: he claimed HE WAS RACIALLY PROFILED and then asked to leave?! wtf? did he totally miss the fact that i am also asian?? uhhhh what interest would i have in racially profiling someone my own race? its not like asians typically ride sucky bikes. . . we asians love our sweet rides! wtf??

so alas, we reach the moral of this story- while there is an appropriate time for pulling the race card. . . . this was the perfect example of an inappropriate time. ha.

dolores park swap meet

so much fun. buying/selling/bartering bike crap, people watching, rape-eyeing bikes. . . . dope. seeing people in real life that you've talked to/learned about/seen pics of/interacted with on web forums in real life. . . and saying nothing. this was the best barter i experienced today:

ken: "how much for these handlebars?"

guy: "how 'bout you just have them?"

ken: "you want something in trade? i brought over some campy stuff- its better than money, you know. . . (holding campagnolo rim and campagnolo rear wheel)

guy: ok, i'll take that rim!

ken: "ok, its a deal. thanks, man!"

conversation with clueless guy on phone

me: "the best time to bring your bike to the shop is tomorrow morning, that way you can save a slot for your repairs on friday, before they are all booked up."

guy: "what time do you open?"

me: "we are open from 10-6."

guy: "will there be anyone there before you open?"

me: "sometimes, but you can't drop off your bike until we open, at 10 am."

guy: "and why not?"

me: "the only reason someone would come to work early is to do paperwork or work without distraction on something they need to finish, before we are open to the public and get sidetracked by helping customers or answering the telephone. if they had to open the doors early to let you in and work on your bike before we 'open', then that would be the opposite of why they decided to come to work early."

guy: "o . . . k . . ."

me: "see you at 10am, bye."

911 call tonight

here is a letter i wrote to my property supervisor, regarding my evening ruined by a longhaired hippy, LSD, and his own personal selfishness, and not knowing when enough is enough. by holing up in the elevator, poor little old ladies who live on the 6th floor had to climb up a lot of stairs. this is a fucking apartment building, not a psych ward or extended care facility.

ada,

we had to call 911 tonight, tenant P. G. from #XX was arrested.

earlier tonight, a tenant called to report that someone was spotted climbing up the fire escape and into the building. he looked for him, but the person was not found.

later, we got a complaint from another tenant that someone was asleep in the elevator. we went up, and this guy was now awake but had turned off the power and wedged himself between the 3rd and 4th floor. he looked homeless, and i did not know he was a tenant at the time. other tenants were gathering to see what was going on. we gave him the option to turn on the elevator and leave, otherwise we would call the police. he was noncompliant. he had power tools and other stuff in there, and said he was the manager in training. he also seemed like he was drunk or on drugs. after talking to him and it going nowhere, we had no choice but to call the police.

the fire department and police showed up, but could not coerce him to get out. they had to tear off the door on the 4rd floor and drag him out. one tenant tried to tell the police that he was a normal guy and not intoxicated. it doesn't matter, he created a nuisance and safety hazard, and refused to comply with police orders.

the fire department says he had unscrewed the top hatch of the elevator and was tampering with the cables and other electrical stuff that controls the elevator! there were personal belongings all over the hallway, its obvious he was on drugs or crazy. ie, he screwed a windchime to the door by the back stairwell, screwed a sawblade into the fire escape window at the end of the hall to prop it open, took off the latch that closes the window, propped open the window in the back stairwell, moved potted plants and other personal items into the hallway, including what looked like drug paraphernalia, put up stickers on the window, etc. the police threw his stuff back into his apartment, though he said it was not his stuff (it clearly was).

the police said that all charges for repair of the elevator and everything else should be charged to him. obivously he should be evicted immediately.

here's the list:

1. send an elevator repairman ASAP. the door was reinstalled by the fire dept, but it needs to be inspected because he was tampering with it.
2. the latch on the 4rd floor market street-facing fire escape needs to be replaced, as he removed it.
3. evict this guy.
4. can you please print a letter saying we need to keep the fire escape windows shut to prevent this? should we bother mentioning all this to them?

obviously many other residents were alarmed by this whole fiasco. they thought he was just moving out, since he was moving personal items all over the 4th floor. everybody was asking questions.

please call me if you have more questions-
ken

conversation with a tweaker

this is cut and pasted from an email i wrote to alex the other day:

living in the city makes you tough, but in a good way. it hardens you, but thats real life, ya know?? i never get sick of it. here's the perfect example, a conversation between me and a tweaker lady outside the bank yesterday, as i'm locking up my bike:

tweaker lady: "hey man, can you spare some change? i just need a little money so i can get home. . . "
ken: "this is the BANK. i came here to get money, not give it all away."
tweaker: (pause) "well can i have some when you come out?"
ken: "sure, will $20's be all right? HELL NO, get the hell out of here!"

blog

what is this, how does this shit work. blogs are gay. wtf