Sunday, December 4, 2011

"time crunch" = $5k




Today I did 2 noteworthy things.

1) Sold a $4800 carbon 29'er mountain bike to a guy on a "time crunch." Meaning- he was supposed to go riding with a buddy in an hour, but didn't want to pull his janky old bike out of storage. So he spent well over $5k on a bike, helmet, and pedals. Baller. That's the most expensive item I've ever sold to anyone.

2) I learned how to de-seed a pomegranate. What did we do before YouTube? I guess I called my mom for stuff like that.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

its tough to be a tall girl in SF


(overheard phone conversation, Russian Hill, SF)

dude on cell phone: "yeah man, i went out with her a few times. . . .

SHE'S JUST TOO FUCKING TALL!"

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

smoking is not healthy




I've got a new job. Its 0.6 miles from my house, so I can walk there. From the Tenderloin, aka "Lower Polk," as I hear they are now calling it. . . up to Russian Hill.

Bummy: (approaching me from behind, as I wait at an intersection) "Hey mannnnn. . . .can I bum a cigaret. . . .(eye contact made) oh wait, you don't smoke, do ya?"

Me: "How did you know?"

Bummy: "You look HEALTHY."

Me: "Thanks, man."

That made my day.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

a skateboard as a weapon



a sketchy 21-yr old dude stole my skateboard today while i was enjoying lunch at whizburger. grab-n-run. i chased, he dropped the board, i retrieved it and cornered him, as a DPT bike metermaid called 911. as i waited for the cops, i had the skateboard over my shoulder, ready to smack him across the forehead if he tried anything stupid. he got arrested, but i'm probably not going to pursue it further, as i'd have to go to civil court to make the misdemeanor stick. not worth it to me. fucking bullshit system. ruined my day. he fucked with the wrong dude.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Jack of All Trades




I was painting over some graffiti on the exterior of my building today, when a resident walked by and said, "You're a Jack of All Trades!"

I replied, "Its easy stuff."

That got me thinking. . . I could also overhaul your bike blindfolded, AND you probably don't know that I also have a law degree. FML

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

insearchofthebrodeal

"bro deal": a discount on something, based on knowing someone or belonging to something.


guy: "yeah, let me get that wheel, that tire, a tube, and and get it all set up."

me: "you got it."

(15 min later, after setup complete)

me: "ok, that will be $126.45."

guy: "i. . . uh, know clancybikecoalitionusedtobe a messenger . . . . ?"

me: "wait, WHAT?"


this is what happened, in 1 single breath:

1) name drop
2) claimed membership to a bike organization
3) claimed membership to a cool kids club

he repeated himself, slower this time. i laughed. he got 10% off.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

fielding sales calls




Caller: "Hi. May I speak to the person in charge of ordering for your office?"

Me: "We don't have an office. We're a bike shop. What have you got?"

Caller: "We specialize in water filtration systems and water coolers for your employees. How many employees do you have?"

Me: "There are about 10 of us. But we just drink water out of the tap. . . . is that bad??"

Caller: "Uh. . . well, YES, it can be."

Me: "But we're in San Francisco! I read on the internet that our water comes from that Hetch Hetchy place. It tastes SO GOOD. . . .whats your water like?"

Caller: "Uh. . . .we have the best quality bottled water and water coolers that suits your budgetary needs."

Me: "Oh, but we don't have a budget for water. We're a non-profit. I guess its just tap water for us. . . ."

Caller: "O. . .K. . . thanks for your time."

Saturday, May 21, 2011

JUDGEMENT DAY


today is the end of the world as we know it.

geoffrey: "its judgement day tomorrow, what are you guys gonna DO?"

ken: "i gotta work:( but after i clock out, i'm down to smoke crack or something like that?"

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Quantification of Cycling Experience


People naturally try to quantify everything. Its a perfectly normal way of comparing data in numerical terms. In cycling, it can be way of proving yourself to others when it comes to certain topics. Here are a few examples:

1) How many years you've done A, B, or C.
2) How many charity rides you've participated in.
3) How many miles you rode last year.
4) How long you made a particular component/bike/part last.
5) How long you've worked at X,Y, or Z.

You get the idea.

Of the above scenarios, there are a few that bug the crap out of me, since they aren't really relevant to anything. This one comes up fairly frequently from speaking to customers at the bike shop, so I'll begin my rant here.

Contrary to popular belief, the number of charity rides a person has participated in, is not indicative that the person is a better cyclist, better bike mechanic, or even more knowledgeable about anything (besides charity rides).

Please don't get the wrong idea here- I don't mean to knock the plethora of charity rides out there, nor the people who participate in them (plenty of my friends do), since they are meant for a good cause, and help people set a goal and achieve it, which I support fully. I'm specifically talking about the chaps who aim to quantify their cycling experience by "number-dropping" how many of these events they've participated in.

Standing alone, the fact that someone signed up for 1, 2, 5, or even 100 charity rides thus far in their lifetime and completed them, only signifies one thing. . . that they did 1, 2, or 100 rides of varying length. Cool. Sure, the distance and duration of the rides vary and there can be training requisites ranging from a little bit to pretty fucking hardcore. And its noteworthy that all participants in these events must make a minimum monetary contribution, as well as raising a minimum monetary donation goal, through soliciting friends, family, and coworkers. After all, this is where the money that (allegedly) goes to charity comes from. (I can't find a source but I read once that only a disturbingly small percentage like 10% actually goes to the charities, since organizing, advertising, and running such big events is so costly, but this is a totally different topic.)

But as a whole, "number dropping" the number of events in which someone has participated does not lend to their credibility, nor knowledgeability of cycling or bicycle mechanics, since they are not really requisite to participating in these events. All you have to do is show up and ride the bike. Ride it. You aren't race tuning your bike, drafting and using race team tactics, building wheels, or even learning anything about bicycles, bike maintenance, or racing at all. Its not bike school, and its certainly not a race either. Sure you may learn a lot from your experiences, and that's great. But Its still not a legitimate quantification of cycling experience. Charity rides are nothing more than that- a bike ride, raising money to benefit a charity.

It also makes you sound like an idiot.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Wheel Interchangeability


Confusius: "Hi, I need to buy a tire and some gears."

Ken: "Ok. Road bike, Hybrid, or Mountain? How many speeds?"

Confusius: "Road bike. I'm not sure how many, my rear wheel was stolen."

Ken: "Ah, I see. Well the number of speeds on your shifter determines what cassette or freewheel you will need. (foreseeing trouble) Wait a sec. . . . do you already have rear wheel?"

Confusius: "No, but I have an extra front wheel."

Ken: "???"

Ken: "You know you can't put a front wheel on the rear, right? They aren't interchangeable."

Confusius: "Why not?"

Ken: "Uh. . . totally different. Different spacing, different hub shell, different axle."

Confusius: "They look the same."

Ken: "Actually they do not. The rear hub is wider and has either threading or a spline to allow you to mount the cassette or freewheel. Otherwise you'd have no way to bolt the gears on there(lamens terms)."

Confusius: "Oh. Ok, back to the drawing board." (he leaves)

Friday, January 21, 2011

advice for interns



Intern: "Yuck, this burrito has AVOCADO in it?!"

Ken: "The only acceptable reason not to eat avocado, is if you allergic to it."

David: "Yeah man, you need to get over that real quick."

Ken: "Eat it. Just take a bite, if you hate it, you can spit it out."

Intern: "O. . . K. . . (eats a bite). Ewwwwwwww. . . . ."

Ken: "Everyone loves avocados- meat eaters, vegans, vegitalians. .. . . "