bike mechanic's bikes

weekends are a bike shop's busiest days. seems like weekdays are all about parts, track bikes, custom wheelbuilds, etc. weekends are all about complete off-the-shelf bikes. the weekday clientele consists of mostly students, work-from-home types, young people, and other non-9-to-5 jobbers. weekends are all about "i want to buy a bike, here-and-now" types. its typical. we make most of the weeks profit margin in those 2 days alone.

anyways, i sold some weird creepy foreign dude a bike today. he seemed like a typical knowitallthatreallyisquitemisinformed type. you know, they people that incorrectly answer their own questions with misinformation they heard about. but he ended up being quite a friendly fellow and bought a road bike and some other stuff. this conversation made me laugh:

guy: "do you have a bike?"

ken: "of course! i don't know if you could work in a bike shop and not ride bikes. . . well, i guess you could, but that would be weird. i have 4 bikes."

guy: "you must have the nicest bike in the whole city!"

ken: "haha. well unfortunately, we don't make enough money to have the nicest bikes in the city. but we do have ok ones and we love to ride them."

steve: "computer guys, CEO's, anyone that lives north of the bridge: now they have the nicest bikes."

ken: "yeah they do. they don't ride them as much, but they do own the nicest ones."

steve: "they look real nice hanging on their walls."

open house

the housing market in SF is a nightmare. finding a place is sooo tough. its super competitive, and a lot of times its just luck. even when you do, its way overpriced. but its a great place to live. its the most amazing city i've lived in thus far. i love it.

anyways, its impossible as an apartment manager to show apartments to every fucking retard that contacts you about them. i'd get like 15 emails a day from people who want to see the units. to solve this, i just have open houses, where like 40 people show up and get herded into a tiny studio like sheep. its the only efficient way to do it. this isn't my full-time job, so thats the way its gotta be. i'm a person, i have a life too.

anyways, i'm the kind of person that likes to give a shitload of info up front to preempt any stupid questions. i hate answering the same stupid questions to every idiot that emails me. here is the latest snippet from my recent craigslist ad:



Sorry, but due to the large number of emails I have received, I do not have enough time to make individual appointments with every single person to view them. To be fair, I will show them as a group to whomever shows up.

1. No, I will not show you the unit before the open house.
2. No, I will not show the unit at a later time after the open house.
3. No, you may not obtain an application prior to the open house.
4. If you can't make it to the open house, no need to email me to explain why you will not be in attendance.
5. If you will be attending, just show up. No need to email me to RSVP or extend any cordialities. I just don't care. I'm not the person who will be reviewing your application anyway.
6. Again, NO i will not make a personal appointment for you to see it. There is just not enough time to do this for EVERYONE.
7. If the studio is still available next week, I will repost this ad with the date of the next open house. Stay tuned.
8. Lets be honest, if you don't have at least decent credit, the management company probably won't approve you, so don't waste your time (or mine).

pink bike parts

two younger dudes came into the shop today, browsing for track bike parts. one of them decided to buy a bunch of pink crap. . .

guy: "i'll take those pink nitto bars, pink toptube pad, and those pink soma toeclips, please."

me: "ok, i'll get them for you." (begin gathering parts, taking them out of showcases)

guy: "i love you, man."

me: "i love you too. i don't know you that well, but i feel something special. i think we could make it work."

guy: "me too."

me: "i mean, we have sooo much in common! you like bikes, i like bikes. . . . its great!"


this conversation made my day.

handlebars, gas prices, etc.

some douchebag came into the shop today. . . he had called in earlier asking about a particular pair of nitto handlebars we carry (stupid looking ones that are for hybrid bikes- we ordered them on accident and had 2 pairs left). my coworker told him that we had a pair, so he decided to drive to the shop to pick them up. no big deal. but of course, when he got there, we were in the process of selling what looked like they were the last pair of those bars. here is a glimpse of what ensued:

ken: "well, i guess that was the last pair. let me see if theres more in the back."

douchebag: "WHAT?! BUT I CALLED AND SPOKE TO YOU OR SOMEONE ABOUT THOSE HANDLEBARS?! I WAS TOLD YOU WOULD HOLD THEM FOR ME!"

ken: "i didn't speak to you on the phone. we don't hold anything for anyone. people call in an say 'yeah, i'm gonna pick em up right now' all the time. we don't have those, but we have these similar bars."

db: "I DON'T WANT THESE, I WANT THOSE!" (slams handlebars and a pair of toeclips on the glass counter) "YOU GUYS NEED TO BETTER REPRESENT WHAT YOU HAVE OVER THE PHONE! DO YOU THINK GAS IS FREE? I WOULDN'T HAVE DROVE OVER HERE IF I KNEW YOU DIDN'T HAVE THEM!"

(by this time, i'd walked away and put away the bike parts, thinking he will just leave pissed. my coworker had already found the last pair of identical handlebars in a showcase, and taken the parts off of it to sell him)


ken: "sorry we can't predict the future. we had no way of knowing that someone would buy those handlebars today before you showed up. and we had no way of knowing that you would get in your car and drive from wherever the fuck you just came from to pick them up."

db: "oh please, i don't need you to school me about that. . . ."

ken: "we don't have a fucking employee meeting every time somebody calls and says they want a part and agree that it will be set aside for that person. gimme a break."

db: "if you have any interest in hearing me out, you need to shut your mouth and just listen for a minute. . . "

ken: "i have no interest in anything you are going to say. i'm going to work on this bike now."


i was pretty pissed. by now, a coworker stepped in, he bought some stuff. . . but not the fucking handlebars he came for?! what a fucking douchebag. then he jumped into his orange range rover and peeled out. god.