welcome to the tenderloin!

worst possible apartment showing:

before showing a vacant 2-bedroom apartment to two prospective tenants today, i had to kick a drunk and beligerent homeless dude off the doorstep. there is only 1 step at the bottom of the gate, so the gate hits anyone sitting on the step when it opens. not a good place to sit.

the apartment hunters were patiently waiting a little ways from the gate.

me (to bum, as i opened the gate): "look, every time i see you here, i HAVE to ask you to leave. please LEAVE NOW. get lost."

bum: "nah, don't worry- its cool." (implying that its ok for us to hit him with the gate and step over him to get into the building. its not cool.)

me: "dude. LEAVE."

woman bum standing with him: "i'm not a dude!"

me: "i know. i wasn't talking to you, since you aren't blocking the doorway. HE needs to go." (she understood, apologized and tried to get him up.)

bum: "YOU CA'T FUCKCING TEL MEE WHAT TO DO!!!"

me: "i tell you what to do every day. i'll tell you again tomorrow. see ya!"

prospective tenants: "well, what a great way to start the tour!"

me: "welcome to the tenderloin!"

heroin and its consequences

a story told, via facebook status updates:

Kenneth Ho- spent a lovely day cruising the coast, petting starfish at the monterrey bay aquarium, followed by a cliffside picnic overlooking the rugged northern california coast. then i came back to my apartment in SF and kicked a heroin user out of my basement, who had shitpissvomited everywhere.

Kenneth Ho- the guy was in his mid-20's, and didn't look homeless. he was wearing a north face jacket, air jordans, etc. he was def on heroin (i saw the needle and tin he cooked it in), but hadn't fucked his whole life up yet. . . so not a "junkie." i reserve "crackhead" for crack users more specifically. also, "tweaker" for your average crazy homeless ...

-to clarify, an alternate explanation for what happened, offered by an my friend mike-

Michael Roark- I stopped by your place the other day to show
you my fresh new kicks and jacket. You weren't home when I got there so I
followed somebody in to wait for you. Anyhow, my blood sugar must have
dropped because I fell asleep in the middle of administering an insulin
shot. It was the wierdest thing; when I came to, I was on Geary St.

ensuring the safety of others

ken: "hey, i'll walk you to the muni station."

kate: "its ok, you don't have to."

ken: "nah, the TL is sketchy."

kate: "well, i have been grabbed before. . . by drunk dudes that wanted to touch my hair."

ken: "well, there you go. my point exactly."

cute girls say cute things

the other day-

ken: "oh, you mean the lindsay i met yesterday. whats her last name?"

tara: "i forget. . . she's polish, so there's a lot of "I's" and "K's."



last night-

ashley: "soooo ken, i heard you have a new gf?! ANDDDD i heard she's british. and REALLYYY cool!"

ken: "yes, yes, and yes."

telling the ex gf about the new gf

clare: "does she ride a fixed gear?"

ken: "no."

being "PC" in the workplace

the funnest thing about "political correctness" is mocking how sensitive some people can be about it. its 2010 for fuck's sake. lighten up!

ken: "damn, its so hard to read the date on uri's new calendar from here. the numbers are too small."

geoffrey: "maybe its because your eyes are too. . . . "

ken: "THATS RACIST!!!" (dun dun dun)

geoffrey: ". . . too far away! TOO FAR AWAY! NOT TOO SMALL, just TOO FAR AWAY!"

ken: "i'm gonna fill out a formal complaint to the management on this one. hope you like sensitivity training, buddy!"

optimism and my mom

ken: "i met this really cool girl."

mom: "why does she like you?"

ken: "geez, mom! is it really that inconceivable that someone might like me?!"