telling the ex gf about the new gf

clare: "does she ride a fixed gear?"

ken: "no."

being "PC" in the workplace

the funnest thing about "political correctness" is mocking how sensitive some people can be about it. its 2010 for fuck's sake. lighten up!

ken: "damn, its so hard to read the date on uri's new calendar from here. the numbers are too small."

geoffrey: "maybe its because your eyes are too. . . . "

ken: "THATS RACIST!!!" (dun dun dun)

geoffrey: ". . . too far away! TOO FAR AWAY! NOT TOO SMALL, just TOO FAR AWAY!"

ken: "i'm gonna fill out a formal complaint to the management on this one. hope you like sensitivity training, buddy!"

optimism and my mom

ken: "i met this really cool girl."

mom: "why does she like you?"

ken: "geez, mom! is it really that inconceivable that someone might like me?!"

hot mess

some girls are just a hot mess. caveat emptor.

showing vacancies

a super SoCal girl checked out a studio today.

girl: "whats that, its so in the waaayyy. can it be moved?"

me: "thats a radiator. no, it cannot."

girl: "so there's no garbage disposal?"

me: "nope."

girl: "are there, like, doors for the pantry?"

me: "this one has a door. . .see? this one does not."

girl: "whoa, look at that sink! ewwww!" (split section sink)

me: "ya know, i showed this unit to a friend, and he was stoked because it was 'vintage,' or 'era correct.' you're not going to find all the modern amenities in an old-ass building in the tenderloin."

conversation with a "playboy"

near closing time, edinburgh castle pub, saturday night:

Pb: "so how long have you lived in this city?"

me: "oh, just over 2 years."

Pb: "i've been in this neighborhood for 5 years, and lived in the city for over 10 years! i'm approaching 30 now."

me: "i'm 30."

Pb: "know whats the best thing about SF?? theres always new hot bitches coming in!"

me: "uhh. . .yea."

Pb: "i dunno bout you, but i'm sort of a playboy. gotta run, see you around!"


i didn't know people actually referred to themselves as "playboys."

sneaky sex and its consequences

via text, saturday morning 11/7/09, 6:35am PST. (9:35am ET where melissa lives)

melissa: "i'm hiding naked under the covers at my boyfriends house. i just came. i'm still drunk from last night. his parents just came. . .over. they don't know i'm here. my clothes are outside."

ken: "haha!" "youre fucked. that happened to me once, but tiffany's brother caught us (i was about 17 at the time)."

melissa: "ha! i remember you told me that story before. they're talking fucking interior design for christsake!"

ken: "pretend you got raped. then just walk out and blame it on the roofies."

melissa: "you're so insensitive."